As a parent, the moment your child gets their first phone you can feel them slipping away from you slightly. This increases as they get older and further into the whispering web of social media.

But Instagram, TikTok, Youtube and all the other apps that tend to distract our children don't need to be something we fear and become irritated by as parents, according to Birmingham headteacher Jamie Barton. He suggests that parents can help children navigate social media in a way that is empowering.

For him, it's all about utilising the platforms in a creative and kind way. And, for that, he says, it is vital that parents implement clear boundaries and guidelines.

Read more: Three questions every parent should ask on parents' evening - from a Birmingham headteacher

We caught up with him ahead of Children's Mental Health Week, which runs from February 6 to 12, 2023. Listen to his social media advice on the Brummie Mummies Podcast here

"Social media can be so beneficial, especially if your child is creative, for connecting with people in different areas, even around the world, over the same sphere of interest," said Jamie, who is headteacher at Jewellery Quarter Academy. "It's a great way to seek out experts and likeminded people, or to find useful information on ideas and topics."

He suggests that well-thought posts on social media can work almost like a CV for children as they get older: "If you can encourage your child to use social media in a way that showcases their talent and skills, it can be really beneficial."

However, as a dad and a headteacher, he is well aware of the negative impact of social media and says parents can do a lot to help their children navigate their way in the digital world.

"We can tell when children have signs of distraction or difficulty focusing in class. Parents should have rules about mobile phones and computers at bedtime. The blue light that’s emitted from screens really disrupts the body’s production of melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep. Excessive exposure to that can make it more difficult for children to fall asleep and stay asleep.

"That leads to sleep deprivation and, at a time when young people’s bodies are changing and they need all the sleep they can get, I think having access to a phone in bed can make it harder for children to detach from that constant stimulation of social media and the internet. That can sometimes contribute to feelings of anxiety and stress.

"Having a wind down time is really important about an hour before bedtime. My son wants to charge his phone in his bedroom. We insist on a common charging area so he’s not tempted to pick it up and look at it whilst he’s trying to get to sleep. Encourage your child to engage in other activities before bedtime such as reading, writing a diary or relaxation exercises."

Jamie's social media tips for parents and children

Five things you should tell your child about social media:

• Take a breath and pause before posting or replying.
• Only post what you would say to someone’s face.
• Ask yourself: what will be the fallout at school tomorrow?
• Be a positive and supportive presence online
• Remind them: you don’t have to agree with everything you see, but do you need to tell others that? Sometimes not commenting at all is the best approach.

Normal rules apply

"No doubt you’ve spent hours teaching your child to use good manners, to be respectful, to treat others as they themselves would wish to be treated. Remind them that you expect them to follow the same standards of behaviour on social media. Encourage them to spend as much time off screen with friends and family as they do on screen. Have open and honest conversations about the benefits and risks of social media."

Set boundaries

"As teachers, we often find it is overnight when the big bust ups happen. It’s understandable that when young people are tired, and alone in their rooms, they may overreact to posts, or say something they later regret. So agree sensible cut off times, when phones and other devices are switched off and placed out of reach. Time limits are a real game changer but you have to make sure you stick to them."

Build in transparency

"It is not unreasonable to know your child’s password or to ask them to cooperate in ‘spot checks’ so you can see their social media activity, particularly with direct messages they might be sending and receiving and make sure they are seeing age-appropriate content. Adjust the parental settings if necessary. It’s a good idea to discuss this with them upfront, as part of your agreement to them having a phone. Remember to respect their privacy. This is about keeping them safe and happy, not ‘snooping’."

Police the age policies

"Social media platforms have clear age policies – and however much pressure you are under, I would urge you to stick to these (and add on six months on if you can!). This can be tough as your child might have friends who have these platforms but we have to hold the line as parents together."

Encourage self-regulation

"Social media is a fact of life, and even more so for our children, it’s part of their everyday world. So we must all learn to embrace the best, and manage the worst, that it brings. Model good habits and be mindful of your own online presence and footprint. Get in touch with the school’s safeguarding lead if you would like more education yourself on social media."

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